veiledndarkness (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
veiledndarkness) wrote2007-06-29 02:24 pm
veiledndarkness) wrote2007-06-29 02:24 pm
Entry tags:
Four Brothers
Title: What He Deserves
Author: veiledndarkness
Rating: PG-13
Movie: Four Brothers
Pairing: Implied Bobby/Jack
Summary: If only...I just want him home again.
Warnings: Usual disclaimer. The boys aren't mine. Lyrics from "Better than Me" used without permission.
*
I think you can do much better than me...
He swore he wouldn't do it again and like the fuckin' blind fool I am, I believed him. Why wouldn't I, right? He treated me differently than anyone else ever would have. He gave me what I needed, the part of me that needed him more than I could admit to. Who else would understand me so completely?
After all the lies that I made you believe...
How could I not have seen the signs? I believed him every fuckin' time he lied, his eyes so earnest, pleading with me, searching for trust in my face. It makes me sick. How could he have lied so damn easily? To me of all people?
I told myself I won't miss you, but I remembered what it feels like beside you...
I don't even want to touch my bed, or go near it at all. It smells like him, damn it. His scent, it makes my head swim. If I close my eyes, I can almost feel his strong arms wrapped around me. I can't lie down on that bed, not without having every memory thrown back at me. I sleep on the couch most nights, sitting up and watching for him out the window. It's all so fuckin' ridiculous.
I really miss your hair in my face, and the way your innocence tastes...
Jerry keeps telling me to hold on, have faith, and all that shit. Let me tell you, hearing lines like that, they don't do shit for you when your heart is being shattered each morning, every time you realize that he's not home, still out there somewhere. My dreams are awful fuckin' cruel, false hope keeps me fallin' again and again. I'm starting to forget what his lips taste like...
While looking through your old box of notes, I found those pictures I took...
I think I'm bordering on obsessive right now. Evelyn kept as many photos as she could get her hands on. I spend most of my spare time sorting through them, memorizing his face. I can't stand the idea of not remembering every detail, no matter how small. This ache...it stings, it never fucking ends, does it?
Wish I never would have said it's over and I can't pretend...
I still blame myself a bit. He nursed me through my addictions, helped me stay clean. I wanted to help him. I think he's afraid, afraid for me to see him like this. I feel useless just sitting here; day after damn day, praying that he'll come back. Come back to me.
This can't be the end...
I'd give anything to have him back here. I alternate, sometimes cursing him, other times on the verge of weeping, begging and pleading for him to come back to me. It can't end like this...can it? This wasn't how it was supposed to end. After all this shit, all this time...
And I think you should know this, you deserve much better than me...
Come back to me, I whisper every day. I'm sorry, whatever I did wrong, please, just come back. I don't want anyone but him. I never did. He used to tell me that all the time. That I deserved better than what he could give me. Why isn't my love enough to keep him here? Enough to keep him clean and off the drugs that he fills his veins with?
You deserve much better than me...
Damn it, Bobby. I never wanted anyone but you.
*
Author: veiledndarkness
Rating: PG-13
Movie: Four Brothers
Pairing: Implied Bobby/Jack
Summary: If only...I just want him home again.
Warnings: Usual disclaimer. The boys aren't mine. Lyrics from "Better than Me" used without permission.
*
I think you can do much better than me...
He swore he wouldn't do it again and like the fuckin' blind fool I am, I believed him. Why wouldn't I, right? He treated me differently than anyone else ever would have. He gave me what I needed, the part of me that needed him more than I could admit to. Who else would understand me so completely?
After all the lies that I made you believe...
How could I not have seen the signs? I believed him every fuckin' time he lied, his eyes so earnest, pleading with me, searching for trust in my face. It makes me sick. How could he have lied so damn easily? To me of all people?
I told myself I won't miss you, but I remembered what it feels like beside you...
I don't even want to touch my bed, or go near it at all. It smells like him, damn it. His scent, it makes my head swim. If I close my eyes, I can almost feel his strong arms wrapped around me. I can't lie down on that bed, not without having every memory thrown back at me. I sleep on the couch most nights, sitting up and watching for him out the window. It's all so fuckin' ridiculous.
I really miss your hair in my face, and the way your innocence tastes...
Jerry keeps telling me to hold on, have faith, and all that shit. Let me tell you, hearing lines like that, they don't do shit for you when your heart is being shattered each morning, every time you realize that he's not home, still out there somewhere. My dreams are awful fuckin' cruel, false hope keeps me fallin' again and again. I'm starting to forget what his lips taste like...
While looking through your old box of notes, I found those pictures I took...
I think I'm bordering on obsessive right now. Evelyn kept as many photos as she could get her hands on. I spend most of my spare time sorting through them, memorizing his face. I can't stand the idea of not remembering every detail, no matter how small. This ache...it stings, it never fucking ends, does it?
Wish I never would have said it's over and I can't pretend...
I still blame myself a bit. He nursed me through my addictions, helped me stay clean. I wanted to help him. I think he's afraid, afraid for me to see him like this. I feel useless just sitting here; day after damn day, praying that he'll come back. Come back to me.
This can't be the end...
I'd give anything to have him back here. I alternate, sometimes cursing him, other times on the verge of weeping, begging and pleading for him to come back to me. It can't end like this...can it? This wasn't how it was supposed to end. After all this shit, all this time...
And I think you should know this, you deserve much better than me...
Come back to me, I whisper every day. I'm sorry, whatever I did wrong, please, just come back. I don't want anyone but him. I never did. He used to tell me that all the time. That I deserved better than what he could give me. Why isn't my love enough to keep him here? Enough to keep him clean and off the drugs that he fills his veins with?
You deserve much better than me...
Damn it, Bobby. I never wanted anyone but you.
*