Harry Potter
Dec. 29th, 2005 11:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
veiledndarknessPairing: Harry, Severus Snape
Disclaimer: Don't own them never have. Song lyrics by Gowan
Title: Criminal Mind
Rating: PG 13
Summary: Harry goes to visit Snape after the war.
Harry walked through the dim hallway. He struggled not to shudder at the pitiful moans and hoarse screams that followed him. Merlin, how he hated this place. Not even the most hardened criminal could avoid flinching when the words “Azkaban” were whispered. A case where the reputation preceded the place and lived up to the images.
He passed further down into the bowels of the jail, towards the coldest, darkest cells. It was these rooms that held the worst of the offenders, the ones who were most feared. Harry slowed his steps as he approached the end of the hallway.
A thin voice called out from a dark corner in cell number 101801,
“I see the honorable Harry Potter has decided to visit the animals. Is it feeding time already?”
Harry came to a stop in front of the bars and scanned the small space searching for the voice. Only one man had a voice that distinctive, he thought remembering the insults that always dripped from lips curled perpetually in disdain.
“Snape”
“Yes, Mr. Potter?” Snape whispered mockingly.
Harry squirmed. This had felt like a good idea until the moment he realized that he had no clue what he was going to say. He felt around in his pocket for the letter, relief flooded his body as his fingers closed on the paper.
“I was wondering, how this poem? I suppose it’s a poem…reached me” he muttered as he held the well read piece of parchment in his right hand. Its tattered edges fluttered ever so slightly from the minute tremors of his hand.
Silence. Heavy silence filled the enclosed space.
“I suppose you are assuming that despite the remarkable solidness of these cell walls, that I am responsible?”
“After all, what’s one more assumption on my soul?” he chuckled dryly.
Harry shifted his weight from one foot to the other. Nobody ever made him feel more like a foolish child that this man. He may have been a savior, a hero, a respected member of wizarding society, but to this man he was still a smaller version of his cocky father, trying to fill shoes far too big for him.
“It came from an anonymous owl about a month ago, right after your sentencing,” Harry said. He ignored the fact that now, more than ever, this was definitely a bad idea.
“Ah yes, my sentencing. What a glorious day, not unlike today,” Snape snorted.
He had yet to emerge from the shadowy corner of his cell.
“I wonder Mr. Potter, if you’ve ever questioned a true criminal? Do you ache to understand? Are you driven to know my mind? It’s inner workings perhaps?” Snape said, a hint of sarcasm touching his voice.
Harry trembled with anger. Damn him for cutting to the quick. Damn him for being able to see right to the core of his mind. Harry never had been able to properly guard his thoughts around Snape.
“Why did you send this? He whispered fiercely.
“Why now? Are you seeking penance now?”
“You foolish boy. Only the truly evil are sent here. I’m here because this is where I belong. I seek nothing from you” Snape said, his voice wafted over to Harry, mocking him even now.
“I want the truth from you Snape!”
“I want to know…” he trailed off, now completely unsure of exactly what it was that he wanted. He’d realized that he had no clue what he was hoping to hear from Snape.
“Were you not at my trial? I believe that you were a critical witness, were you not Potter? Did your duel with Voldemort render your remaining brain cells useless?” Snape snapped and waved his arm. A ripple of shadows played against the dim walls.
Oh yes, Harry remembered Snape’s trial. Of all the death eater trials that had come about, Snape’s and Malfoy’s had been the only ones that he’d appeared at and spoken for. The onlookers and press had been crushing and suffocating. Harry had lived every moment gasping for air, drowning in the eyes of the curious.
The sentencing, the emptiness left behind. The feeling that despite what he had accomplished, and all that he had done, he was still hollow and alone. He felt isolated and out in the spotlight, yet a million miles away. Going through the motions and doing as he was expected had left a bad taste in his mouth. Had there ever been any option?
Kill or be killed?
His demons clambered at the walls of his mind. Did Snape feel this way?
A sigh pulled him from his self reflections.
“If you are wondering why you’re here, may I attempt to enlighten you? Snape drawled.
Merlin, how he hated that drawl. ‘Hated it so much that you missed it’ a familiar voice sneered in his mind. Harry gave his head a shake to clear the voice.
“No, uh I mean yes Pro- umm sir…” he dropped his eyes to the ground, flushing at his slip.
Snape smirked at Harry. “Snape will suffice, Potter”.
“Uh, right.” Harry said, groping for the right words.
A long pause hung between the two as Harry shuffled his feet and Snape stared at the opposite bars. Suddenly,
“The letter, what did you think of it?”
Harry blinked. “Think of what?”
“Yes, Potter. The worn scrap of parchment still clenched in your hand.” Again the drawl.
Harry blushed again and he tried to stop fidgeting.
“I’m…uh…” he stammered, at a loss again for words.
“Yes?” Long and drawn out on the ‘S’.
“What is this about? What are you trying to tell me exactly? How do you expect me to understand your cryptic messages!” he said, the words suddenly flowing from his mouth.
“I wanted you to know that not everyone can be saved, nor does everyone want to be saved. Must you be so thickheaded?” Snape said with a touch of frustration.
“You seem to find it impossible to believe that some of the so-called enemies are as their own choosing.” Snape said, sneering at Harry’s naïve beliefs.
“I refuse to believe that anyone is inherently evil.” Harry said somewhat imperiously.
“Humph, you Gryffindors would, not very far removed from the Hufflepuff lot that way are you?” Snape snorted with much disdain.
“People are made evil by their situations. Nurture, not nature helps to develop a person’s sense of morals. Tom Riddle would never have become Voldemort had he been shown love, discipline, and care.” Harry said with as much conviction as he could muster.
A moment of silence followed Harry’s speech. Then a bark of laughter came from Snape.
“You really believe that don’t you? You honestly think that if someone such as Dumbledore had come along and scooped up Voldemort when he was a young boy and shown him love that he wouldn’t have become so evil.” Snape spat out the words as though each one burned.
“Evil is a part of everyone Potter. The sooner you face that, than the sooner you shall understand” he finished with another small wave of his hand.
Harry now furious with Snape’s seeming dismissal of his questions found himself gripping his wand. How dare he brush him off, tell him that he couldn’t understand. He’d faced more horrors than most people could imagine.
“Yes, Mr. Potter. Let the hatred flow. I can see it, feel it, and sense it. You may have great powers but you also hold a great deal of untapped fury. They feed on anger you know.”
Harry struggled for control. Nobody ever pushed him this far, tried his patience the way Snape did. Not even Draco Malfoy had unsettled him to this level. Harry looked up at the slightly amused face of his ex-potions professor and a trickle of fury escaped.
“Legilimens!” he yelled, his voice shattering the quiet darkness.
In an instant, Harry was driven to his knees. The images and memories assaulted him. Snape being beaten, tormented by first his own father, then by his merciless peers, Harry’s own father their leader. Shunned and ridiculed by everyone in his life. Sitting in small dark confines, trapped in his own mind. Slowly becoming numb from hatred and with shaking hands, accepting the gift of a dark mark.
Years of subterfuge, spying. Years of shackles, of slavery to a merciless madman and always lies upon more lies. The pain was overwhelming, the raw agony, and the anger that accompanied him everywhere he went.
“ENOUGH!!!” Snape roared.
“You insolent brat!! My memories are mine alone. Did you not get your fill in fifth year?” he shouted. And with a great mental shove, Harry was thrown from Snape’s mind.
Harry reeled, he could still see it all and it was all around. He blinked rapidly, struggling to gain control over his voice. He looked up at Snape, an apology dying on his lips before the words could come out. Snape glared furiously at Harry, his dark eyes glittering madly.
“You meant it…you don’t regret anything do you?” Harry said, his hands fluttering lightly on his lap.
“No, I don’t.”
“I would do it all again. I would change nothing.” Snape let a small smile crack through. “Though in hindsight, I would have made sure that I had a back up plan in case of possible imprisonment.” He chuckled darkly.
Harry let out a dry sob. “But…”
“But nothing Potter!!”
“You cannot save everyone! You can’t play God! My mind was twisted to begin with. I am evil! I’ve spent my life in chains from one master to another. I’ve done what I had to do to survive and I’ve followed orders, no matter how cruel they seemed.”
“That is my criminal mind and I regret nothing!!!
Spittle flew from his lips as he yelled at Harry. After his tirade, he slumped over, worn out. He hadn’t exerted himself in so long. Harry still kneeling on the hard stone floor, was slightly horrified by these words.
A light of understanding dawned in his eyes.
“I can still help you Snape,” Harry muttered. “I know I can”
“You can’t reform me and more importantly, I have no desire to be rescued by the likes of The Boy Who Lived.” Snape said with a tired sigh.
“I can help, you’ll see…” Harry said with a triumphant gleam as he backed away from the cell.
“If that’s what you believe, then you truly are nothing more than a fool” Snape said wearily. He sat against the cold wall, seeming as though all the life had been sucked out.
“Be gone with you then boy.” He murmured, his head tilting to the side.
“Leave me to my memories”
“What a cold comfort that must be”. Harry’s words flowed behind him as he exited the cell block, his mind feverishly plotting. The scrap of paper floated to the ground from his hands, and landed on the dirty floor.
You've seen my face before
Soon you can take your last look
And they'll close the door
I stand accused before you
I have no tears to cry
And you will never break me
Till the day I die
A criminal mind
Is all I've ever known
They tried to reform me
But I'm made of cold stone
A criminal mind
Is all I've ever had
Ask one who's known me
If I'm really so bad...
I AM
I've spent my life behind these steel bars
I've paid my debt in time
But being brought to justice
That was my only crime
I don't regret a single action
I'd do the same again
These prison walls secure me
And I'm numb to pain
Before you hand me over
Before you read my sentence
I'd like to say a few words
Here in my own defense...
Some people struggle daily
They struggle with their conscience
Till the end
I have no guilt to haunt me
I feel no wrong intent
I'm made of cold stone
Just like your prison walls
A criminal mind
I AM
Disclaimer: Don't own them never have. Song lyrics by Gowan
Title: Criminal Mind
Rating: PG 13
Summary: Harry goes to visit Snape after the war.
Harry walked through the dim hallway. He struggled not to shudder at the pitiful moans and hoarse screams that followed him. Merlin, how he hated this place. Not even the most hardened criminal could avoid flinching when the words “Azkaban” were whispered. A case where the reputation preceded the place and lived up to the images.
He passed further down into the bowels of the jail, towards the coldest, darkest cells. It was these rooms that held the worst of the offenders, the ones who were most feared. Harry slowed his steps as he approached the end of the hallway.
A thin voice called out from a dark corner in cell number 101801,
“I see the honorable Harry Potter has decided to visit the animals. Is it feeding time already?”
Harry came to a stop in front of the bars and scanned the small space searching for the voice. Only one man had a voice that distinctive, he thought remembering the insults that always dripped from lips curled perpetually in disdain.
“Snape”
“Yes, Mr. Potter?” Snape whispered mockingly.
Harry squirmed. This had felt like a good idea until the moment he realized that he had no clue what he was going to say. He felt around in his pocket for the letter, relief flooded his body as his fingers closed on the paper.
“I was wondering, how this poem? I suppose it’s a poem…reached me” he muttered as he held the well read piece of parchment in his right hand. Its tattered edges fluttered ever so slightly from the minute tremors of his hand.
Silence. Heavy silence filled the enclosed space.
“I suppose you are assuming that despite the remarkable solidness of these cell walls, that I am responsible?”
“After all, what’s one more assumption on my soul?” he chuckled dryly.
Harry shifted his weight from one foot to the other. Nobody ever made him feel more like a foolish child that this man. He may have been a savior, a hero, a respected member of wizarding society, but to this man he was still a smaller version of his cocky father, trying to fill shoes far too big for him.
“It came from an anonymous owl about a month ago, right after your sentencing,” Harry said. He ignored the fact that now, more than ever, this was definitely a bad idea.
“Ah yes, my sentencing. What a glorious day, not unlike today,” Snape snorted.
He had yet to emerge from the shadowy corner of his cell.
“I wonder Mr. Potter, if you’ve ever questioned a true criminal? Do you ache to understand? Are you driven to know my mind? It’s inner workings perhaps?” Snape said, a hint of sarcasm touching his voice.
Harry trembled with anger. Damn him for cutting to the quick. Damn him for being able to see right to the core of his mind. Harry never had been able to properly guard his thoughts around Snape.
“Why did you send this? He whispered fiercely.
“Why now? Are you seeking penance now?”
“You foolish boy. Only the truly evil are sent here. I’m here because this is where I belong. I seek nothing from you” Snape said, his voice wafted over to Harry, mocking him even now.
“I want the truth from you Snape!”
“I want to know…” he trailed off, now completely unsure of exactly what it was that he wanted. He’d realized that he had no clue what he was hoping to hear from Snape.
“Were you not at my trial? I believe that you were a critical witness, were you not Potter? Did your duel with Voldemort render your remaining brain cells useless?” Snape snapped and waved his arm. A ripple of shadows played against the dim walls.
Oh yes, Harry remembered Snape’s trial. Of all the death eater trials that had come about, Snape’s and Malfoy’s had been the only ones that he’d appeared at and spoken for. The onlookers and press had been crushing and suffocating. Harry had lived every moment gasping for air, drowning in the eyes of the curious.
The sentencing, the emptiness left behind. The feeling that despite what he had accomplished, and all that he had done, he was still hollow and alone. He felt isolated and out in the spotlight, yet a million miles away. Going through the motions and doing as he was expected had left a bad taste in his mouth. Had there ever been any option?
Kill or be killed?
His demons clambered at the walls of his mind. Did Snape feel this way?
A sigh pulled him from his self reflections.
“If you are wondering why you’re here, may I attempt to enlighten you? Snape drawled.
Merlin, how he hated that drawl. ‘Hated it so much that you missed it’ a familiar voice sneered in his mind. Harry gave his head a shake to clear the voice.
“No, uh I mean yes Pro- umm sir…” he dropped his eyes to the ground, flushing at his slip.
Snape smirked at Harry. “Snape will suffice, Potter”.
“Uh, right.” Harry said, groping for the right words.
A long pause hung between the two as Harry shuffled his feet and Snape stared at the opposite bars. Suddenly,
“The letter, what did you think of it?”
Harry blinked. “Think of what?”
“Yes, Potter. The worn scrap of parchment still clenched in your hand.” Again the drawl.
Harry blushed again and he tried to stop fidgeting.
“I’m…uh…” he stammered, at a loss again for words.
“Yes?” Long and drawn out on the ‘S’.
“What is this about? What are you trying to tell me exactly? How do you expect me to understand your cryptic messages!” he said, the words suddenly flowing from his mouth.
“I wanted you to know that not everyone can be saved, nor does everyone want to be saved. Must you be so thickheaded?” Snape said with a touch of frustration.
“You seem to find it impossible to believe that some of the so-called enemies are as their own choosing.” Snape said, sneering at Harry’s naïve beliefs.
“I refuse to believe that anyone is inherently evil.” Harry said somewhat imperiously.
“Humph, you Gryffindors would, not very far removed from the Hufflepuff lot that way are you?” Snape snorted with much disdain.
“People are made evil by their situations. Nurture, not nature helps to develop a person’s sense of morals. Tom Riddle would never have become Voldemort had he been shown love, discipline, and care.” Harry said with as much conviction as he could muster.
A moment of silence followed Harry’s speech. Then a bark of laughter came from Snape.
“You really believe that don’t you? You honestly think that if someone such as Dumbledore had come along and scooped up Voldemort when he was a young boy and shown him love that he wouldn’t have become so evil.” Snape spat out the words as though each one burned.
“Evil is a part of everyone Potter. The sooner you face that, than the sooner you shall understand” he finished with another small wave of his hand.
Harry now furious with Snape’s seeming dismissal of his questions found himself gripping his wand. How dare he brush him off, tell him that he couldn’t understand. He’d faced more horrors than most people could imagine.
“Yes, Mr. Potter. Let the hatred flow. I can see it, feel it, and sense it. You may have great powers but you also hold a great deal of untapped fury. They feed on anger you know.”
Harry struggled for control. Nobody ever pushed him this far, tried his patience the way Snape did. Not even Draco Malfoy had unsettled him to this level. Harry looked up at the slightly amused face of his ex-potions professor and a trickle of fury escaped.
“Legilimens!” he yelled, his voice shattering the quiet darkness.
In an instant, Harry was driven to his knees. The images and memories assaulted him. Snape being beaten, tormented by first his own father, then by his merciless peers, Harry’s own father their leader. Shunned and ridiculed by everyone in his life. Sitting in small dark confines, trapped in his own mind. Slowly becoming numb from hatred and with shaking hands, accepting the gift of a dark mark.
Years of subterfuge, spying. Years of shackles, of slavery to a merciless madman and always lies upon more lies. The pain was overwhelming, the raw agony, and the anger that accompanied him everywhere he went.
“ENOUGH!!!” Snape roared.
“You insolent brat!! My memories are mine alone. Did you not get your fill in fifth year?” he shouted. And with a great mental shove, Harry was thrown from Snape’s mind.
Harry reeled, he could still see it all and it was all around. He blinked rapidly, struggling to gain control over his voice. He looked up at Snape, an apology dying on his lips before the words could come out. Snape glared furiously at Harry, his dark eyes glittering madly.
“You meant it…you don’t regret anything do you?” Harry said, his hands fluttering lightly on his lap.
“No, I don’t.”
“I would do it all again. I would change nothing.” Snape let a small smile crack through. “Though in hindsight, I would have made sure that I had a back up plan in case of possible imprisonment.” He chuckled darkly.
Harry let out a dry sob. “But…”
“But nothing Potter!!”
“You cannot save everyone! You can’t play God! My mind was twisted to begin with. I am evil! I’ve spent my life in chains from one master to another. I’ve done what I had to do to survive and I’ve followed orders, no matter how cruel they seemed.”
“That is my criminal mind and I regret nothing!!!
Spittle flew from his lips as he yelled at Harry. After his tirade, he slumped over, worn out. He hadn’t exerted himself in so long. Harry still kneeling on the hard stone floor, was slightly horrified by these words.
A light of understanding dawned in his eyes.
“I can still help you Snape,” Harry muttered. “I know I can”
“You can’t reform me and more importantly, I have no desire to be rescued by the likes of The Boy Who Lived.” Snape said with a tired sigh.
“I can help, you’ll see…” Harry said with a triumphant gleam as he backed away from the cell.
“If that’s what you believe, then you truly are nothing more than a fool” Snape said wearily. He sat against the cold wall, seeming as though all the life had been sucked out.
“Be gone with you then boy.” He murmured, his head tilting to the side.
“Leave me to my memories”
“What a cold comfort that must be”. Harry’s words flowed behind him as he exited the cell block, his mind feverishly plotting. The scrap of paper floated to the ground from his hands, and landed on the dirty floor.
You've seen my face before
Soon you can take your last look
And they'll close the door
I stand accused before you
I have no tears to cry
And you will never break me
Till the day I die
A criminal mind
Is all I've ever known
They tried to reform me
But I'm made of cold stone
A criminal mind
Is all I've ever had
Ask one who's known me
If I'm really so bad...
I AM
I've spent my life behind these steel bars
I've paid my debt in time
But being brought to justice
That was my only crime
I don't regret a single action
I'd do the same again
These prison walls secure me
And I'm numb to pain
Before you hand me over
Before you read my sentence
I'd like to say a few words
Here in my own defense...
Some people struggle daily
They struggle with their conscience
Till the end
I have no guilt to haunt me
I feel no wrong intent
I'm made of cold stone
Just like your prison walls
A criminal mind
I AM
